Faith over finish lines
I cried the deepest cry, felt so alone and just carried on.
A whole a year past without support, with the same
“You’ve been like this your whole life" comments,
Yes I have, but now you’ve slapped this diagnosis on me and said.. manage it, well that’s what I came to you for….
Help! a cure, a fix it pill, something that makes me not me.
But it just wasn’t that easy.. to just get on.
On the outside yes, but inside constant thoughts & information bombarded my mind, I just didn’t know how to be anymore.
Hearing the things I do are because of a disorder & or being Autistic threw me, I could relate to everything but didn’t want too.
Support groups & courses I just didn’t finish, because even though I could relate to them, I didn't want it to define me, so off to run 75k I am then.
That just didn’t go well,
I ran with a young girl the first 25k, but it completely upset my fuelling and hydration strategy, after I sped off ahead, I hit a mental wall.
Thinking about it now, I was lacking. Lack of support, and fuel, mentally, spiritually and physically, then my hips went 🫠
For the next 50k I ran, walked and cried, not that far behind everyone else and placing 3rd, most were surprised I finished, but the determined girl in me wanted to and no diagnosis was going to stop her!
I needed to prove I was still me, but I was carrying so much and just didn’t give myself any time to process anything, denial was so much rosier.. For a while anyway.
I since ran on to smash PB after PB 🎉
21.30 - 5k
49.09 - 10k
1.46.57 - ½ marathon
And just wanted to keep being better, faster, enough, cured, healed and whole.
Around April this year, burnout hit me big time, paired with an injury, I couldn't do the thing I “thought” was keeping me together, naturally my whole world crashed.. again and what was really underneath came out.
Grief.
Trauma.
Pain.
Exhaustion.
Dopamine high.
Immense pangs of grief from losing my mum, a past version of myself and past abuse, all hit me like a wave, I was broken mentally and physically.
I’ve spoken about ADHD linked anxiety before, well after not being able to run as a release, that crumbled me.
All the while my identity was lost, buried under sciatica and anxiety.
If I can't run, who am I?
I’m a coach, I can't teach, what will people think of me?
My identify was
“Runner”
“Coach”
& all I thought was I need those things to be…me, I’m nothing without them.
Forgetting that I’m a child of God and I'm who God says I am, not Alecia, not ADHD, Sciatica, Autism, Anxiety, trauma… GOD
I needed the reminder!
On Good Friday, God spoke to me and said
“You need to do something different” I knew then, I had a clear choice, I finally came to the end of MYSELF!
With raging anxiety, limping with sciatica, I surrendered my shovel, and decided to trust the one who laid his life down for me on that Friday, and just be Alecia, the broken woman and allow God to reshape, refine and rebuild me.
Enter…
Slow Girl Era Series, but I still hated it!
I wanted my Garmin, my running, my freedom. But God was doing something bigger, greater, he was doing the very thing I craved, setting me free, making me whole, and reminding me where my identity really lies… in him.
Pruning is never easy, there's mess, it's unfamiliar, it's dark at times, but the gardener knows what he's doing.
He takes his time to carefully cut back the branches that no longer bear fruit.
“He prunes every branch that does bear fruit so it will be even more fruitful”
John 15:2
Gardener:
One employed to care for the gardens or grounds of a home, business concern, or other property. a professional gardener.
When I said yes to Jesus, he made my heart his home, he’s the one employed to care for my soul, I belong to him..
As I step into my Faith and Fitness Era
Aleciafitness - Faith. Lift. Run
Iamfittness - Powered by I AM
His Fitness
Tell them I AM has sent me to you
Exodus 3:14