The “ME” in Motherhood..
Ever lost yourself before?
Oh I have.. plenty of times, tbh kinda feel lost at the moment…. actually more misplaced.
Have you been so engrossed in something you forgot what time it was?
Or..
Been standing daydreaming at a bus stop you missed the bus going by?
Maybe you're wandering through life right now thinking “What’s this all about?”
Well… I could describe the “me” in motherhood as all of the above.
I became a mum at 19, I literally threw myself into this role…it gave me a sense of belonging, someone to love.. nurture and take care of.
Young & a little naive I thought I had it all worked out..
I do think I was made to be a mum though… amongst other things.
I have a lot of love to give..think it’s part of my caring nature.. But I’ll be honest..I had no idea that love needed to be refilled or that I still needed care & nurturing.
How I handled it was buying endless amounts of clothes, bingeing, vomiting, over-exercising or starving myself… sorted all filled up..
“ I can keep going now” I’d think…. to this day it's something I still struggle with.
The more children I had… the more I gave… “everything”..& the more I neglected myself (which i wanted)
Probably was a bit of post-natal depression in there too..
I was so lost…trying to create perfection….perfect little family with my beautiful kids.. making niceties in a relationship that was actually damaging me.
It seemed the right thing to do..
I didn’t even know myself let alone what I deserved...nor did I place myself highly, value me or even love me.
I lived burnt out for years… empty! He was a narcissist.. it drained the life out of me.
Loving my kids comes naturally & I'll never regret giving them everything I had at that time.. they needed me.. I didn't want to need myself… or know how.
Fast forward to January 2021..
After literally the worst year ever…actually I’ll call it “my growth year”
Growing hurts right?!?
I stood in this mirror & made a promise to myself 💞
That I was going to love and take care of me…. it wasn't somebody else’s job it was mine, my responsibility.. & I was gonna start now!
And so I embarked on the journey to find Alecia….
My children are my world, their smiles, love, laughter, stubborn nature & the joy they bring to my life is indescribable.
However I must be part of my own world also…I’m a mum of four, yes, but I'm also Alecia.
I have dreams….goals… ambition.. I’m a person outside of motherhood, life’s about balance after all..
I’ve recently learnt more about me… things that make my heart sing, bring me joy..make me feel alive.
Finding myself 18 years after having kids is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done… but it’s worth it & the time is just right.
God is so gracious..there's nothing I’ll miss out on! He works all things out for good.. why? .. because he loves us, we can love because he loved us first.
I preach about self care on my Instagram not because I’m saying “you do you” no…because I want you to find out who YOU are in motherhood & life!
As I’ve said before, happy mum’s raise happy kids.. they’ll reap the benefits of your new sense of fulfilment..
Your love will be infectious..
Your presence... gravitating..
It’ll change them too.
Your best self is just waiting for you to connect with her.. go do it!
