Covid and I....Frenemies?

Covid has changed me.. there’s no denying it. The once kickass, badass woman who kept her **** together is now stressed out, worn out and on her LAST nerve.

As  a child I remember a picture my mum had, it was a lady quite old looking with stringy hair, underneath was the quote 

“I have one nerve left, and you’re getting on it” it makes me laugh thinking about it but fast forward many years later that quote is my life.

I mean..paint picture….

It's been a year since covid inconveniently came and changed EVERYTHING the way we shop, dress, think and literally live! Like it or not we’re different people.

I miss the old me, the one who faked it till she made it with her abs, make up and endless amounts of Gymshark leggings… I thought I was winning! Successfully (or so I thought) juggling mum life running a household, a business, and training myself into the ground on a low amount of calories…. all to avoid the unwanted feeling inside.

Then BAM!  Stupid covid came and messed up my perfectly, imperfect way of living… or should I say managing.

I was thrown into the deep end! Smack bang, right in the middle with nowhere to run, having to face my insecurities, fears, worries and doubts.. I couldn’t run forever but why did they all have to come at once?

I picture all our baggage in a bottle… fears, insecurities, stuff others have put on us, past hurts, I could go on there's so many.

If we don't deal with these things before we know it, that bottle is full to the brim, it's compressed, there's only so much it can hold, the lid shaking under the pressure…. then unexpectedly one day, you react to something that's not even the problem… then WOOSH the lids off and everything comes flooding out!!

Can anyone relate??

Am I really mad over the mess in my house or a past hurt I'm too scared to deal with? Sounds obvious which one it would be, but in the moment with all the emotions it’s not always clear.

I believe God has given us everything we need to deal with all that happens in life. He made us, he knows us better than we know ourselves and is right alongside us everyday all day.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend as I write this that everything is all okay, that all my past pains, drama.. whatever you want to call them have all disappeared, cause I'd be lying.

What I will say is I’m on a journey, one I wasn't expecting to take so soon, (thanks covid) but I'm here.. I wouldn't change that.

It's uncomfortable and at times painful, but I’m still here…. with breath in my lungs, facing my fears head on and embracing this beautiful journey every step of the way.